Why do my kids whine and complain so much?
Kids complain for lots of good reasons: to blow off steam, to connect with us, and because they feel powerless. Other times, the complaints might mask an underlying emotion that needs to be released.
Most of the time, when a child whines, it is a way of asking for something when they are frustrated. It is simply a low-grade form of crying. It usually happens during the preschool years and lasts until the age of 6 or 7.
The Bottom Line. In short, whining is a developmentally appropriate part of childhood—but that doesn't make it any less irritating when your child uses it to get what they want. That's why it's important to teach your preschooler better ways to express themselves to change this unwanted behavior.
Children want a response, positive or negative, and when we give it to them when they whine, they learn that it works! Whining is a learned behavior.
Emotional regulation: Sometimes people complain as a way to manage their emotions. By venting their feelings, they hope to lessen the severity of these distressing emotions. Mood: People may be more likely to complain when they are experiencing negative moods.
First, remember that children take in the world in egocentric ways. They assume that the world revolves around them and that the things that happen in the world are their fault. This is a developmental norm through much of childhood and certainly up until the ages of seven or eight.
Why we complain. We complain when we feel there is a significant gap between an expectation and reality, according to Dr. Guy Winch, author of the book “The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships, and Enhance Self-Esteem.”
- Accept Their Sensitivity. ...
- Provide Downtime. ...
- Set Limits. ...
- Praise Their Efforts. ...
- Provide Rewards. ...
- Teach Feeling Words. ...
- Teach Problem-Solving. ...
- Use Logical Consequences.
Toxic children usually present the characteristics of the so-called little emperor syndrome: They're tyrannical, aggressive, and intransigent children who don't respond to authority. The relationship between parents and children seriously deteriorates and the home becomes a battlefield, full of stress and suffering.
Why toddlers whine. By itself, the act of whining doesn't mean your child is spoiled. Think of it more as a low-grade form of crying. And like crying, it's most likely to occur when kids are tired, hungry, bored, sick, not getting enough attention or told "no."
What is the psychology of whining?
- Whining generally reflects a person's inability to change either a situation or their own feelings. - Their relationship with you is more important than your solution to their problem. Things will not get better if you allow them to run rough-shod over you. Setting limits may feel unkind; but rejection will be worse.
- Help your child find a voice. Make it clear that he must use his regular voice, not a whiny voice, to tell you things. ...
- Be polite. ...
- Encourage your child to say it in full. ...
- Write it down. ...
- Avoid edicts, and find solutions.

Whining is a verbal temper tantrum. Compared to screaming tantrums, it's a step up the developmental ladder. Some examples of whining behavior are: A child who won't take No for an answer.
A whine is the sound of a child who feels powerless and is pitching his request in higher and higher tones to get someone to pay attention to him. "Children do what works, and a whiner is looking for a response — any response," says Jane Nelsen, co-author of Positive Discipline A-Z.
By age 5, your child has made leaps and bounds in their emotional development. They've gotten much better at regulating their emotions, and they talk about their feelings easily. They have also gotten better at controlling their impulses.
Complaining involves voicing legitimate dissatisfaction, while whining is about something trivial. Complaining, venting, and whining have different effects on a person's psychology and emotions.
Kids may whine because they need your help or resources.
When kids get stressed, hungry, thirsty, tired, or overwhelmed — often by a change in routine — their sweet natural voices get replaced by high-pitched, need-it-now tones.
Kids may whine because they need to express feelings.
Sometimes, research suggests, whining — not just crying — is simply a way for young children to express sadness or disappointment.
There are those who never seem to be satisfied. These are known as chronic complainers. They have a tendency to ruminate on problems and to focus on setbacks over progress. Some research suggests that making a habit of complaining can “re-wire” the brain so that those particular thinking orientations become ingrained.
grump. noun. informal someone who complains a lot and is rarely happy.
Is complaining toxic behavior?
Now, let's get this straight — complaining is not bad at all, but when you do it constantly, it can turn toxic in more ways than one. That's because complaining signifies that you are not accepting of what's happening in your life. Unfortunately, it carries a very negative energy.
Warning signs that your child may have a mental health disorder include: Persistent sadness that lasts two weeks or more. Withdrawing from or avoiding social interactions. Hurting oneself or talking about hurting oneself.
- frequent refusal to obey parents or other authority figures.
- repeated truancy.
- tendency to use drugs, including cigarettes and alcohol, at a very early age.
- lack of empathy for others.
- being aggressive to animals and other people or showing sadistic behaviours including bullying and physical or sexual abuse.
- Fear of dirt or germs.
- Fear of contamination.
- A need for symmetry, order, and precision.
- Religious obsessions.
- Preoccupation with body wastes.
- Lucky and unlucky numbers.
- Sexual or aggressive thoughts.
- Fear of illness or harm coming to oneself or relatives.
- Learn to accept changes. ...
- Think about how you affect others. ...
- Remind yourself to be grateful. ...
- Don't associate with negative people. ...
- Exercise. ...
- Stop being judgmental. ...
- Lead by example.
Research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus—an area of the brain that's critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. Damage to the hippocampus is scary, especially when you consider that it's one of the primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer's.
- Listen For The Need. Some people turn into chronic complainers because they feel they're not being heard. ...
- Reframe The Situation. ...
- Change Your Response. ...
- Ask For Solutions. ...
- Call It Out. ...
- Redirect The Conversation.
Now, let's get this straight — complaining is not bad at all, but when you do it constantly, it can turn toxic in more ways than one. That's because complaining signifies that you are not accepting of what's happening in your life. Unfortunately, it carries a very negative energy.
- Point out to children that they are whining.
- Never give children what they want when they are whining.
- The best way to respond when children are whining is to say you don't understand them.
- Silence is golden.
- Don't model whining.
- Reward appropriate language.
- Distract or redirect.